Lashelle’s Self-Care Tips
Here's Who I'm Following on Instagram and Why
When I’m in need of style, wellness, or mental health inspiration, I scroll through these accounts.
There’s a lot to be said about the state of social media right now, but one of the positive aspects is that it offers endless inspiration. I’m not just talking about fashion — what I love about Instagram is that in addition to elevated style, you can easily find influencers and brands that stand for meaningful causes, like mental health awareness and social justice issues.
Here are just a few of my favorite accounts that are filling up my IG feed with inspiration.
Fashion
These accounts embody sophistication and my love for high style. They are an expression of how I see all men, with a touch of innovation, modernity, and artistry — they represent what it looks like to be free, sexy, and stylish (my favorite qualities!)
Influencers
These gentlemen bring diversity and informative content to their platforms, and I find them to be so relevant and contemporary. Not to mention, they are classy and very likeable!
Culture, Lifestyle, & Mental Wellness
These accounts are aspirational, inspirational, and elevated — and they speak to men of all ages. They help men repair their spirit and soul, and inspire healing in their lives, too.
My Mental Health Journey: How Therapy Led Me On a Path to Healing
Before I could love others, I had to learn how to love myself — here’s my story.
Photo: Kei Moreno
October 10 marks World Mental Health Day — so this blog post couldn’t be more timely. In addition to my spirituality, I owe my success and well-being in part to my decision to take care of my mental health and go to therapy. Through that process, I learned how to love myself and get treatment for substance abuse. This is my story.
Learning to Love Myself Before Others
The idea to go to therapy was planted long ago by a close friend when I was living in Atlanta. I’d gone over to her house to help her prepare for a party. By the time the festivities started, I was already drunk and down. She told me: “You’d have a better time drinking if you dealt with all of the things that are going on with you.”
Years later when I moved here to L.A., my destructive behavior was finally catching up to me. It’s often said that being in a relationship mirrors who you are and where you are in your life, and that couldn’t be more true for me. My unhealthy relationship — and the words of my friend years prior — made me realize for the first time that I didn’t know how to love myself. I was finally ready to go to therapy.
At the time, I was so unaware of myself — I was still drinking and using drugs. In my mind, my hard-partying was glamorous; like something you’d see in a Chloe Sevigny movie. It was how I was avoiding getting to know myself, and I was so removed from my own reality.
I also had unreasonably high expectations of myself — for better or for worse, it’s something I soaked up from the strong, supportive women who were the dominant force in my family. I was so hard on myself for such a long time, and combined with my addiction and my behaviors rooted in trauma, I didn’t realize how much I was hurting my partner.
Deciding to go to therapy on my own made the process easier and learnable. It was through a gay organization, so I felt even safer because they were sensitive to our particular needs. For the next 3 years, my therapist helped me see so many things, even when I was in the midst of addiction. She helped get me onto the path of recovery from alcoholism and drug abuse.
I finally started to understand the things I was going through: Depression, anxiety, you name it. My therapist helped me work through the effects of trauma from the need to survive growing up in the projects, being the victim of rape and molestation as a child, and being abandoned by my mother, to name a few.
How Therapy Made Me a Better Listener
I’ll be the first to admit that love people. But until I knew myself, I was what everyone wanted me to be. It’s something that also helped me be “safe” to people who might have otherwise felt threatened by my Blackness.
In understanding myself, I am now able to truly see people and hear them. As an esthetician, there’s such an intimacy about doing skincare and grooming and having people in your chair and in your space. Through my own mental health journey, I’m excited to continue helping my clients learn to love themselves — whether it’s boosting their self-esteem with a great facial or otherwise.
This Is How I Finally Learned to Accept Myself (Part 2)
The pandemic and the protests have sparked a change within me.
Photo: Kei Moreno
This is part two of my self-acceptance story — read part one here.
Through my recovery work during the pandemic and protests, I realized that I was denouncing myself and compartmentalizing who I was, especially around white people. My eyes have been opened because I know now that I tried to hide from my Blackness.
Keep reading to find out how I finally learned to accept myself.
I Have Accepted Myself — In All My Gayness and Blackness
Though I haven’t faced aggressive racism, a few minor instances do stand out to me. I’d go to job interviews and I’d see a white gay makeup artist who didn’t bring half the skills I had to the table. I was trying to get through those doors, but as far as talent, I was already there.
At the same time, there were times when I unknowingly resented and rejected my Blackness or undermined myself with my femininity. I used to always say, “I’m like a refined white woman.” Don’t get me wrong — I only have love for my white friends and colleagues. But why couldn’t I just accept myself as a Black man who likes those finer things? Why did it have to be a white aspirational thing?
When I started to get heavy into drugs, I could only see myself through the lens of white aspiration. I closed my mind off to my own community and culture even though I never truly left them.
I realize how my own thinking about my upbringing in the so-called “ghetto” was limited, misogynist, and negative. I allowed it to affect everything from the friends I chose who seemed to be worlds away from the “‘hood,'“ to how I approached my own masculinity.
Now, I’m proud of where I come from. I won’t apologize for growing up in that roughness. I’m happy with my Black skin and the type of man that I am.
I’m Shifting My Approach to the Hustle
I also used to believed that success would only come if I built a celebrity clientele. Being surrounded by that environment where the hustle was real only helped to instill this value. I thought that’s what I needed to prove that I deserved to have a seat at the table.
Now, I don’t feel the need to “hustle” that way. I don’t need to taste and lust after certain things to validate me — whether it’s my idea of “success,” the approval of others, or gaining material things.
When we start to understand who you are, you realize you don’t need as much as you thought you need to feel okay in this world. That’s the path of the journey that I’m on. Through this process, I learned to embrace every part of myself — including the young, “unlovable” boy I used to be.
I am ready to step into my power. I’ll no longer apologize for my Blackness, my femininity (or my masculinity), or my sense of leadership. And I hope you’ll join me and embark on your own self-acceptance journey.
I'm No Longer Filtering Myself as a Black Gay Man — Here's Why
I’m finally ready to share my story. Here’s part one.
Photo: Kei Moreno
Like many people in America and beyond, I’ve been profoundly affected by the pandemic and the global Black Lives Matter demonstrations. My business came to a screeching halt due to the coronavirus — and as a result, I’ve had much time to reflect. That’s why I’ve committing to stop filtering myself — not just to others, but to myself.
Let me explain.
As protests erupted over systemic racism, I see now that the world is no longer running from its own B.S. And as a Black gay man, it has given me the confidence to do the same. I know that the shift within me is only possible due to my recovery work and, most importantly, being in the presence of God.
In hopes that I can help empower someone else who needs to discover their inner strength, I’m finally ready to share my story. Here are a few things I’ve learned about myself during these tumultuous times.
I Used Beauty and Gayness As My Secret Weapon
I’ve always known that I am gay, and I experienced trauma as a child as a result. As a young boy, I struggled with feeling unlovable. But when it comes to racism, I can’t say that I’ve had any equally traumatic experiences because I’ve always been a people pleaser. Through the beauty world, I knew how to take care of people who weren’t fully accepting of me.
The funny thing is I didn’t see my Blackness as an obstacle because my gayness got me through the door. I was very much influenced by my grandmother, who raised me and my brother to exude the sense of class and style that she witnessed from working in white homes. I used what I learned from her to present myself as “safe” to people who might feel threatened by my Blackness — a feeling that I know resonates with other men of color.
Early in my career when I worked as a department store makeup artist, I was always one of the few Black men or gay men on the floor. I brought that refineness that I knew was safe for straight white men and women. I would adjust my behavior accordingly: I’d “play nice” and keep it light and sweet to diffuse myself as a threat.
Recovery Work and Quarantining Helped Clear My Mind
I’ve always been the type of person to dive into my work to escape my emotions. When quarantine first began, I was avoiding my own feelings. I was forced to slow down and face myself when I had to close my atelier and stop serving clients. I’m glad that I did, because I don’t want to lose the momentum on the work I’m doing within myself.
In my recovery work over the past four years and especially now, I have finally found my own voice. In trying to find my purpose, I now see the barriers that weren’t visible to me before. I feel an ease and confidence that I didn’t possess before.
I Will No Longer Filter Myself
When I’d go to recovery meetings, many of the other participants were affluent white people. I could tell some people — regardless of their skin color — were filtering themselves because they didn’t want to offend anybody. They, too, were in a sense hiding. But I realized, Holy shit. I do the same thing.
Sitting in those meetings, I remember holding back sharing my experiences in my own authentic voice because I was afraid I would offend someone. Now, I think, My experience is my experience, and I’m no longer apologizing for it.
Stay tuned for part two of my story.
Welcome to My Blog — And Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself
Join me on the self-care revolution.
Photo: Kei Moreno
Blogging may be new to me, but I’m by no means new to the beauty world — so allow me to reintroduce myself.
Hi, I’m Lashelle Ullie, a Beverly Hills-based aesthetician specializing in men’s brow grooming and skincare. Before I opened my own atelier at Salon 90210 in February, I worked at the renowned Damone Roberts Salon, where a few of my clients included Johnny Galecki, Toni Braxton, Kelly Rowland, and more.
Though my first love was fashion, the beauty industry is where I found my calling. I was born and raised in New Jersey, where I started my career in department stores. My story, in a nutshell: After beginning as a stock boy at Estée Lauder, I worked my way up to the cosmetics counter, became a makeup artist, found my way to Los Angeles, and rediscovered my passion for promoting self-love through self-care.
Throughout it all, I’ve faced my own hardships, including overcoming substance abuse and finding sobriety.
I’ll be using this space to share my expertise and the importance of self-care, from brow grooming tips and the best men’s skincare products to my self-love journey and what I’ve learned during two decades working in the beauty industry.
So stay tuned for my expert tips, product reviews, musings on manhood, profiles on insiders who are redefining masculinity, and much, much, more. This is just the beginning, and I’m excited you to join the self-care revolution with me.
In the meantime, feel free to follow me on Instagram at @lashelle_men and @lashelle_women.